I'm really, really good at making lunch.

Goo!

Gleee!

Haroom!

Aoogaaoooga!

Blaaaard!

Ooooo baby!

Bleeeeeeeep!

Surbleeburblee!

Yummer City!

Yoweezowee!

Loopsiedoopsie!

Yammers!

Healthorama!

Blitzenburpen!

Deliciousnacity!

Cheeseorama!

Hey-o!

Featuring: banana, peanut butter, pretzels, blackberries, wrap, grapes, strawberries, avocado, pepper jack cheese, summer sausage, apple, pickles, string cheese, rice cake, salami, lettuce, blueberries, baked cheetos, luna bar, mac and cheese, cheese curds, cucumbers, carrots, peppers, hummus, pasta salad, olive bread, broccoli, cauliflower, melon, olives, peaches, cheddar cheese, granola bar, cinnamon apple sauce, crackers, butternut squash soup, provolone cheese, mint brownie, raspberries, cottage cheese.

I didn't say it was healthy. But nothing short of delicious...

Drunk-cooking not advisable.

Come along with me, to a snapshot of my life:

It's 2:30 am on a Monday night. (Yes, I know, technically it's a Tuesday morning but shh I'm telling a story.) A 24-year-old girl shuffles home from the bar, up three flights of stairs to her apartment, and smiles as she gazes dreamily upon a stew that has been dutifully crock potting itself for the last six hours. If she can depend on nothing else, my good people, she can depend on this delectable vat of turkey chowder.

She feels a little cloudy-headed as one in her situation would, and is mightily amused and distracted by her phone buzzing with messages from her sentimental pals with the desire to giggle and delight over the antics of the evening. She boils some water, throws some egg noodles in, and starts transferring the stew to a hefty 3-gallon pot.

The noodles finish! She stirs them into the potato/corn/turkey/carrot concoction and tells herself that this stew is one step away from perfection...and that step is named "a generous dash lemon pepper". She shakes the lemon pep over the top of the stew - but wait! - something is amiss. She immediately feels confused about the texture and look of the ingredient. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that she has just covered her stew in...CINNAMON!

And instead of scraping the cinnamon off and salvaging the taste of the soup, she, in her unreasonable state, stirs it in. All the way in. Thus dooming her future sober self to roughly two gallons of cinnamon-flavored turkey chowder.

Stupid, stupid girl.

A culinary tour of Portie Pants.

First, a warning: This post will make you hungry. Second, what you need to know: the lady pirates of Truth Pirates decided to attend the infamous Truth Pirates convention located in Portland, OR (the land of plentiful eats) this weekend. Here are some pictures of what we ate to make your mouth jealous. Enjoy!

I love the state fair!

*illustrations by Julia

Fat kid in a lady-sized body.

I LOVE LUNCH!

Did you know I love lunch? I loooove lunch. It's my favorite meal of the day. I know people say they love breakfast, but if you take that love and apply it to lunch, that would be my love. I love making delicious lunches, eating delicious lunches, and flaunting them at work for everyone to see. Sometimes if I really love my lunch, I take a picture of it in order to someday annoy you on my blog. And that day, my friends, is today.

Tuna, cheese, avocado sandwich on cracked wheat bread with spinach, romain, avocado and feta salad. Simple. Perf.

Rotisserie chicken, fresh grapes, string cheese, and my brother's homemade banana chocolate chip bread. Meeeeep!

You saw this one. Salad with farmers market blueberries, strawberries, spinach, romain, pea pods, kiwi, avocado, fresh baked chicken, and feta - the salad dressing of champions. Mhmm.

This was one of my favorite lunches. I was off early one day and took myself to one of my most beloved coffee shops and delighted in this bagel with pesto cream cheese. Have you had pesto cream cheese? If you haven't, you should. You really should soon. Geeeeeee!

You also probably saw this one. Sometimes I eat like a little kid, and that was one of the days. It was warm enough to eat outside on the balcony so I hopped up there and enjoyed a salami and pepperjack sandwich on country white bread with a spot of applesauce and some strawberries. Yammers!

Ooo. This was a good day. Wheat toast with homemade jam adopted from my jam-hatin' roommate, summer sausage and cheese, pretzels, hummus and fresh green beans. Yes please!

I know what you're thinking. What is this sloppy, disgusting mess? Well bite your tongue, you heathen! This was my first attempt at mom-style hommemade hamburger pizza. It was a little soupier than I would have liked (or than mom would have ever served) but it tasted just as awesomely delicious. And, as you'll note, it's garnished with some green beans and a crunchy Honeycrisp apple. Gleeeep!

And don't worry, I have prepared a dessert for you. Chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting and fresh strawberries on top. Birthday style. Eat it up, blog faces!

I LOVE LUNCH!