Questions for a Wednesday morning

As I peer quizzically into the Barrel of my diet Snapple lemon iced tea I am forced to wonder...

Are those chunks normal? Should I...shake?

How could something with zero calories taste so, so magnificent?

Didn't Snapple used to cost, like, $4 per bottle? Why is it $1 now?

Who is the genius that created the Snapple lemon iced tea slogan "Good when it's a tea, bad when it's a car" (with an arrow pointing to a cartoon lemon)?

Will diet Snapple give me cancer?

Either way, diet Snapple, I don't even care. I just love you, you snapply minx.